Many of us don’t like the singleness season.
Let’s just be honest: more often than not, we wish that this long, enduring period of time would quickly come to an end so that we can quickly move to the next stage of our lives.
We dread being single. We dread feeling like we are stuck in a this place of ‘waiting’ and ‘uncertainty’ because we are anticipating the next season but we don’t know if and when we will get to walk into it.
But Singleness, is a season of life – it’s a part of life, meaning that you have to go through it, but it’s a temporal one. and it will pass by quicker than you expect (even though the days do feel like they drag on).
It’s a season set in place, to grow you and challenge you, and that’s what I will be sharing with you today ladies: the purpose of singleness, as I encourage you to view your singleness not as a plague, but as a blessing.
Many of us have a negative perspective towards singleness.
Some of us dread the season.
Because we don’t like to be alone. We don’t like the idea of being by ourselves and ‘need’ another person in our lives. Sometimes it’s because we don’t enjoy our own company or we don’t know how to be by ourselves and be content in such a space.
Other times it’s because we don’t like the aspect of being alone and the presence of stillness within the season of singleness, because when we get into such a space, all our wounds, hurt and trauma come up and we don’t want to face it.
So we look for relationships to be a distraction.
For others, singleness is something that you level up from and graduate from onto marriage – it as but bridge, where you quickly pass through to get to the other side. It’s simply a means to an end, this end being marriage.
Yet singleness has a purpose, meaning there is a reason why we walk through the season of singleness, and as a result, there is an outcome that must be achieved.
Every Season has a purpose - including singleness
By definition, singleness is the quality of being alone. It’s synonyms include isolation, loneliness, solitude.
Not a very positive definition, is it?
But I want to present something new to you today.
Let’s revisit that definition: Singleness is the state and quality of being alone – not loneliness(although the dictionary uses that word as a synonym)
Being alone means being by yourself, giving you the opportunity to do a number of things, including develop your relationship with God. And Jesus is the perfect example of this; so are other disciples like John and Paul. They followed the example that Jesus set for them with regards to living a life of purpose and intentionality while being single.
So then, what is the purpose of Singelness?
1. SINGLENESS IS A TIME TO BE PRESENT WITH GOD
Singleness is a time to be present with God.
We tend to equate being by ourselves to loneliness, yet that’s not the case (however, you can be lonely in times of isolation).
We see Jesus in scripture taking time out to be by himself and to be present with God. See Luke 6:12.
Don’t get me wrong: even when you’re married, you will still pursue God. But when you’re single, as Paul says, you have more time to pursue God.
Paul wasn’t trying to imply that singleness is better than marriage and that everyone ought to remain unmarried like he did.
He was speaking to the unmarried and telling them that singleness is a good thing, because you have more time for God and for the things of God; being devoted without distraction.
When you’re in a relationship, as Paul puts it, you have many concerns – your mind is occupied with the things that you need to do: take care of your husband, your children and your entire family.
Even when you’re in a relationship (and not married) – your mind tends to lean towards how you can do this and be this to better your relationship with your partner.
When you’re single, your mind is not occupied with all these concerns, and your time is not consumed by them.
You have time on your hands which is not required to be split to take care of a number of responsibilities, time which you can take advantage of and spend it with and devote to God.
So sis, singleness is the time and the season to develop your relationship with God . It’s the time to spend more time with God, draw closer to Him and know Him as a father, a friend, a counselor and helper.
It’s the season to develop the discipline of prayer and reading the Word of God, becoming rooted and unshakeable in your faith.
Remember that the disciplines you develop and learn during your season of singleness are the ones that will help you and carry you during your next season. For example, prayer.
When you develop the discipline of prayer and make prayer your first response to everything, when you experience an issue with your partner, your first response will be to go to God and ask for guidance, and not to seek after people’s opinions.
2. Singleness gives you the time and space to discover who you are
In order to know who you are, you need to know the one who created you.
When you want to understand the purpose and function of a device, let’s say your phone, you always go back to the one who made it, right?
When it has a problem, using your warranty, you take it back to the shop where you bought it from so that they can take it to be fixed or replaced.
It’s the exact same thing with us humans.
In order to understand who we are, why we are here and why we were created, we must return to our creator and ask Him those questions.
However, we turn to our fellow creation to give us the answers to those questions, yet they do not have the capacity to do so because they didn’t make us.
They didn’t make themselves!
And they too, are seeking answers to the exact same question!
So, then, how can the blind lead the blind?
How can someone who doesn’t know and understand who they are, tell you who you are?
And why do we let such people speak into our lives and tell us who we are?
That’s why sis, this is the time to discover who you are.
You have undistracted time on your hands to spend with God, to receive from Him and let him teach you who you are as an individual and who you are as a woman.
So pursue God and discover who you are.
3. Singleness gives you the time and space to heal your wounds and trauma
This is such a vital purpose of singleness: the opportunity you have to heal your wounds and trauma.
As shared, singleness is a time to be still.
It is a time of purpose. A time of growing closer to God and learning who He is and who you are.
And in the midst of that, you will learn the negative things, habits, mindsets and behaviours that you possess. And this is what many of us don’t like.
We don’t like to bring up our old wounds.
We don’t want to face our pain and the trauma that we have buried deep inside.
We want it to remain buried.
But sis, do you realize that what you don’t deal with will end up bringing you down? It’s what will sabotage you, your life and your destiny.
Because in everything you do, you will respond from your place of hurt & trauma and it will keep manifesting in different aspects of your life in different ways, till you get stuck.
For example, if you carry with you hurt from rejection within your heart, in everything you do, you will keep seeking approval of people, including people who do not have your best interests at heart.
Furthermore, how can you receive all that God has for you when you’re stuck in your old way of thinking and toxic mannerisms?
You cannot put new wine in old wineskins – you need new wineskins for new wine.
See the Israelites.
They had left Egypt and God had prepared Canaan, a land flowing with milk and honey, for them.
But they couldn’t receive it because their minds were still in Egypt: the way they talked, the way they responded, the way they lived – they did so as if they were still in Egypt.
They had left Egypt but Egypt was still in them.
And that’s why, singleness is a gift from God.
Because it is a moment to be by yourself and with God, it gives you an opportunity to work on yourself.
It gives God the chance to pull you aside and bring up the things that need to be healed and allow Him to heal those things.
Sis, you cannot afford to step into your next season – be it relationships and marriage, career wise and even with regards to the purpose God has for you if you are not willing to work on your wounds and trauma.
You can move to the next season, but it will find you not ready mentally, emotionally and spiritually. There is nothing as painful as not being able to experience life and what God has for you fully because of being held back by wounds and trauma that God wants to heal.
4. Singleness gives you the opportunity to discover your purpose
Purpose is what makes a man.
We were created for a reason.
We were created with purpose by God.
But we need to seek God inorder to discover that purpose and our callings.
And in my opinion, singleness is the perfect season to discover why you were created; what your purpose is. Because of the undistracted time you can have with God, it gives you the chance to seek God to show you what your purpose is, and what you were called to do.
We were all created to worship God and to be in relationship with Him, but each and every single one of us has been given an assignment by God that we ought to carry out and fulfill while we are here on earth.
The only way you can know what that specific assignment that God has for you (and you alone) is if you seek Him and ask Him to reveal it to you.
While you are single, set aside time to do this. Take advantage of the time that you have and be intentional about asking God to make known to you the calling he has on your life.
Ladies, there is a time for everything.
King Solomon in Ecclesiastes 3:1 stated that there is an appointed time for everything; for every delight and for every purpose.
There is an appointed time for singleness, and an appointed time for romantic relationships and marriage. Vs. 8a says, ‘There is a time to love’. In other versions says, ‘A time to make love…‘, meaning, there is a time for intimacy.
An appointed time; God’s time, when you will be in a relationship that brings glory to him and advances his purposes for the Kingdom and for your life.
But until then, ladies, enjoy your singleness.
Be present in your singleness and take advantage of the time that you have to grow your relationship with God, with yourself and discover your purpose.
Don’t invoke love before it’s time.
Do not go ahead of yourselves and of God by pursuing and entering into relationships before God’s time. Your desire to be in a relationship is a God-given desire and when He says it is time for you to be in a relationship, He will make it happen.
In His time, according to His perfect will.
Till then, live out your singleness to the fullest!
Let us know in the comments below what your thoughts are with regards to singleness and how you will live out your singleness!
Also, feel free to drop us a like and share this post with a friend who needs some encouragement during their season of singleness