“I don’t like being single. It’s boring and a waste of time.”
“Why can’t I just be in a relationship already?“
“When is my Boaz going to find me? I have been single for way too long!“
“All my friends are in a relationship and here I am, alone! Why can’t it be me? When is it going to be my turn?“
Ever had those thoughts at some point in your singlehood?
Well, so have I.
I cannot begin to tell you the number of times I have complained and grumbled about my season of singleness and asked God to just speed things up.
Until one day I read an Instagram post that said, “Don’t waste your singleness” and another that said, “Your Singleness has Purpose” changing my view towards singleness.
Today’s post is all about developing a positive mindset towards singleness with the word of God as our baseline, because friend, your thoughts determine the direction your life takes.
Proverbs 23:7 states that as a man thinketh, so is he, and we need to learn to think and therefore live from the Word of God, and not from the negative perspectives that we have bought into.
Out of the Abundance of the Heart, The Mouth Speaks
We all know of the famous scripture that out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. But it is key to look at the entire scripture from which this verse originates so as to fully understand what the passage means.
This scripture is found in Matthew 12:34, and it is a verse taken from a section of verses, that is, verse 33 to 37.
In these verses, Jesus was speaking to the people about the words that they speak and how what is in one’s heart determines what will come out of their mouth.
See vs 34 & 35.
‘How can you, being evil, speak good things?
A good man, out of the treasure of His good heart brings forth good things, but an evil man, out of the evil treasure brings forth good things.’
The common denominator: the heart
You will speak evil, only of an overflow of the evil that is stored in your heart, and you will speak good only as a result of the overflow – or as Jesus says – the abundance of the good in your heart.
Then the question we need to ask ourselves is, “What is in our hearts?”
Sis, what's in your heart?
What are you meditating on?
What are you consuming?
The content you spend consuming – the books you read, the programmes/series/movies you watch, the social media accounts you follow & the things they post, the conversations you have – is it helping you develop a positive mindset towards singleness?
Or is it awakening desires in you before the right time that you are unable to handle?
See, most of us spend time consuming content that makes us either look down on singleness or yearn after other people’s relationships, questioning why we can’t have what they have, and why can’t we have it now.
Now, don’t get me wrong: your desire to be in a relationship and get married is both a valid and a godly desire.
Yes – a desire to get married is a godly one. How?
Because one, God is the creator of marriage. He is the one who brings two together- a man and a woman – in marriage, and two, marriage is a reflection of the relationship the church (the bride) has with Jesus (the bridegroom).
So, if God is the creator of marriage, then having a desire for it is a godly desire.
But instead of praying and seeking God with regards to the godly desire that we have, how to navigate it in a manner that honours Him, you and the current season you’re in (because how often do we involve God in such desires/emotions), we turn to social media and culture to validate and fulfil those desires as we consume romance books, romantic movies etc., leading us to long for that which is being portrayed there.
Since God is the author of relationships and marriage, let us allow Him to do what He does best, and to do it in His own time.
And as He does what He does best, we too should do what we He expects us to do during this season: be purposeful about our singleness, and one way we can do this is by developing a positive mindset and attitude towards singleness.
Be Intentional about what you consume
Ladies, there is no two ways about it: what is in your heart is what will affect how you live. And what is in your heart is as a result of the things you take in; the things you think about and meditate on (Remember God told Joshua (in Joshua 1:8) that if he meditated on His law & word, that He would be prosperous and successful. Only IF he meditated on God’s Word).
And, out of the abundance of the heart, you will speak.
Jesus said in Matthew 15:14 that it is what comes out of the mouth of a man that defiles Him -not what he puts in His mouth.
And we also remember that James, in ch.1 verse 19 tells us to be slow to speak because the tongue has the power of life and death.
You will curse your season of singleness, say that it is no good and waste it, because of what is in your heart; because of what is in your mind.
Remember, as a man thinketh, so is he. And if you want to have a positive mindset towards singleness, you will need to work on your mind.
You will need to be careful about what you watch, what you read, the conversations you have, and the thoughts you entertain – all this, through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Because it’s not by might, nor by power, but by the Holy Spirit.
TIPS ON HOW TO DEVELOP A POSITIVE MINDSET: A FEW ACTION POINTS
Before I wrap this up, I wanted to share with you a few tips and action points that can help you develop a positive mindset towards singleness.
I know that reading this may be a little bit overwhelming, as you wonder where to begin and how to move from a place of a negative mindset to a positive mindset, and I wanted to help you navigate that.
- Do not beat yourself up.
Let this post convict you, not condemn you.
The Holy Spirit is the one who convicts us of sin and when we are walking down the wring path, He doesn’t tear you down but convicts you to point you towards Christ.
Don’t condemn yourself for not keeping a guard over your heart & mind by being careful with the things you consume – let this be a lesson for you and a motivation to want to do better and to honour God in your singleness,
2. Take inventory of the things you consume.
Sit and have some quiet time with yourself and God.
Invite the Holy Spirit and ask Him to help you through the process.
Begin to take inventory of the content that you consume: the books you read, the movies/series you watch – are they biblical? How are they affecting your thoughts?
Let the Holy Spirit reveal and show you that which is not pleasing to Him, and what negatively affects your mind.
3. Slowly cut off what needs to be cut off.
After you take inventory and the Holy Spirit reveals what He reveals, the next thing is to cut them off.
Now, habits just don’t die, so this is going to take time. But with the help, power & strength of the Holy Spirit and intentionality, you will be able to cut off what needs to be cut off.
Don’t be afraid and go for it: if it’s to give away those romance books – give them away.
If it’s deleting those movies from your netflix library – do it!
Remember sis, it’s all for your good and for the glory of God, even if if doesn’t feel like it at the moment!
I hope this post has challenged you to be intentional about the things you consume and how they affect your mind. Let us know in the comments what you learnt, and what you will do moving forward to change your thought patterns.
Also, let us know in the comments if you would like us to create an action plan resource to help you develop a positive mindset, not just on singleness, but in general.
Remember to like this post, and share with with someone who needs some exhortation!